It comes back to you
by BucketJ
Summary: Alfred was tortured by nightmares, causing him to throw himself into darkness. He doesn't want help. Or does he? (Kind of USUK, Songfic) I have deleted the lyrics because of copyright.


I woke up from my dream. It had been a creepy one, just like the past couple nights. They all involved Arthur, a very close friend, dying. It scared me how real they were. They always left me waking up with sweat all over me, panting heavily and with a very scared feeling. Why did these things happening. It wasn't healthy. Maybe I should go see a therapist, they should be able to help right?

I don't want to go see a therapist, it wouldn't help me. It wouldn't work, it couldn't work. I stared ahead hopelessly. Maybe I should go see one…

'So you are telling me that you have been having these nightmares that contain a close friend dying in all sorts of ways,' the therapist said. I had had an appointment arranged right after my last dream. I looked up uncomfortably. 'Uhm yea,' I said. I knew that this wouldn't work, why did I try to begin with. 'Well I recommend to do…' I listened every recommendation, making sure to try them all. I didn't think that they would work, but trying never hurt.

I followed every recommendation carefully, still skeptical but hopeful none the less. Even though I couldn't believe it, my nightmares started to fade. But so did my joy and identity. People around me started to notice how I became quiet and careful. No one commented…

I never went to parties anymore, nor did I plan any nights with friends. I isolated myself. I knew this couldn't be what the therapist meant with his tips but I found it worked. If I was alone, there would be no one to care about. I was on the edge of quitting my job for the sake of being alone but I really needed the money so I didn't. I did however try to stay as far away from Arthur as I could. I wont let myself care for everyone.

I haven't talked to anyone in a while now. Well if you don't count myself. I've been talking to myself a lot. It didn't seem like I was talking to myself, it seemed like I was talking to someone. This someone encouraged me to isolate myself even further. I never questioned him, just did as he said. Other people couldn't see him, I gathered that quickly. He would sit next to me at work, but nobody would say something about the strange person in the workplace. He kinda looked like me, his hair was darker and he had a different eye color, but other than that he was identical.

I lived in peace with the ghost of myself but it couldn't last. One day Arthur was standing on the doorstep. 'What had happened to you, you haven't been yourself at all lately. You didn't even talk to me the last couple weeks. I am your best friend goddammit. What has gotten over you Alfred,' Arthur started to rant. I never got to answer. Allen, the name I gave my ghost, entered my vision. He was telling me to turn around. To close the door. To forget.

I tried to slam the door closed, but it wouldn't close. I looked down to find that Arthur stuck his foot between the door. I looked up in fear, meeting Arthurs gaze. Arthur started opening the door enough so he could slip through. 'Alfred, please tell me what is wrong,' Arthur looked worried. I wanted him to go away, but there was no door I could slam in his face anymore. Arthur sighed. 'Why don't we have a movie night? Be like we were before this happened,' Arthur asked. I nodded slowly, hoping that he would leave soon.

We soon found a movie to watch, things indeed got to how they were before my nightmares, much to my dismay. It would all start again. Allen kept telling me to leave, to stop what was happening. I was unable to. It hurt me so much. But I knew I had lover Arthur before this. That was why I needed to avoid him I remembered. Please, make Arthur stop making those adorable noises when he was frightened by something. Please make him stop being as handsome as he is. Stop him from being as friendly I knew he only was when with me. Stop all of this!

I still remembered when I formed my crush. I met Arthur when I was around the age of 6. We had become friend instantly. It was 20 years later. I've had a crush for three fourth of the time of that. Arthur never noticed. Sometimes I would think about Arthur being my boyfriend. I would think of how surprised he would look when I asked him to move in with me. I-I would ask him to marry me.

I never was the one to back away from a challenge. I, however, was never brave enough to tell the other about my feelings. I never asked him to live with me, nor did I ask him to marry me. I would have to deal with being a best friend. It filled me with sorrow, but I always put on a smile to not let him notice. But I had snapped.

I had fallen into the darkness without a chance to escape. Allen was controlling my brain. After the film had ended Arthur was shoved aside again. I didn't know that it had hurt Arthur badly, not did I care anymore. Darkness was all of me. Maybe this was meant to be my life. I had to make everyone suffer until no one cared for me anymore.

Work continued. Arthur continued to bother me. He had told me to see the therapist again. I didn't react. I couldn't. I didn't want to face problems, I had found a way to close off. Stay away from the world. Arthur had even tried to practically drag me there but I closed off. We got nowhere, we never would. I continued to ignore the world.

Allen was the only one who understood me. No other person did. Arthur seemed to have given up, to my relief. Allen didn't seem to like Arthur too much. He was always angry at me after I had talked to him. We were happy, together in our lonely world where no one was trusted. Although I started to miss my friend. No! I shouldn't turn away now.

My room was pitch black. I sat across Allen. I felt like dying. My need to see friends had become strong but Allen always held me back. 'You shouldn't try to talk to those douchebags. They'll only hurt you. Why can't you see that!' I flinched at the loudness of his words. He couldn't stop me from going to Arthur. I craved contact. I couldn't keep going like I was. I just couldn't. what happened.

I started crying. I had been at Arthur house but he wasn't home. Allen was dragging me away. He looked me up in my room. A rope was around my wrists. What had happened. My crying became even louder. I wanted to stop the darkness. Ge out of this black hole. It seemed impossible. Why wouldn't someone help! Why didn't people stop this! They should have seen this happen. Surely they did right? I was confused and alone. I just want this to end.

The door opened slightly, revealing Arthur. At least, I would have seen it if I had looked up. 'Alfred, I heard you were at my house earlier today. Do you need me for something?' Arthurs voice was barely audible. At least, it would have been if it wasn't dead quiet to begin with. I looked up. The tears where staining my cheeks. 'Help me escape the darkness, please.'


End file.
